From The Email Files

9 Mar

Amazon Customer Service
1516 2nd Ave
Seattle, WA 98101
(800) 201-7575

Dear Costumer,

Thank you so much for your recent order of Charles Dickens’ Oliver Twist .  Your order is ready to ship, however, to continue the high level of customer service you are familiar with at Amazon.com we would like to make sure you are aware of some disclaimers regarding this book.

It has come to the publisher’s attention that Mr. Dickens was not an orphan when he wrote this book.  He may not have ever eaten porridge during the editing and publishing process, though we are relatively certain that he had eaten porridge once, during an unfortunate trip to his Aunt Esther’s home in Canterbury, at the time the Boca Raton of North England.

It has also come to our attention, via the publisher and certain relatives of Mr. Dickens, that the character of Oliver is in fact an almagam, or mixture, of a number of characters Mr. Dickens observed in his visits to the street corner to pick up his magazines and cigarettes.  There is likely no single Oliver, and Mr. Dickens did not write of any particular young boy making his acquaintance.

If you would please review the following statement, and email us back at [redacted] we will process your order immediately.  Your credit card has not been charged and will not be charged until [redacted] has been contacted.

I, the purchaser, do hereby acknowledge that the work I am purchasing may be a piece of fiction and may not reflect the true nature of history as it was commonly known at the time, whatever time may be covered by said work of fiction.  I hold harmless the publishers and Amazon.com for any misapprehension or misunderstanding I may have regarding the veracity of claims within said work of fiction.  I will not present the elements, together or separate, within this book, to anyone, as historical fact unless they have been substantiated by two verifiable external sources.

Thank you for shopping with Amazon.com.  We hope to continue to provide you excellent service.

Sincerely,

[Redacted]

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