A Plausable Explanation For Nikki Finke

9 Apr

I hate Nikki Finke’s blog Deadline Hollywood.  I hate the way she acts like a journalist but has absolutely no pretense of journalistic standards.  I hate that she is right so much and that you basically have to read her blog in order to keep up with the bullshit of Los Angeles.

Until today.

Because today Max and I realized that Nikki Finke is a ten year old girl, currently attending 7th grade at Crossroads in Santa Monica. Her mysterious absences?  Daddy took away the internets because she went over her 300 text message limit on her Sidekick.  Her “toldja” headlines make way more sense.  Already past Twitter and LOLCats, she speaks in a language that perfectly fits her 10 year old girl who really wants to get a training bra but can’t fill it out reality.

I toldja about it yesterday. (See my previous, HBO Locks Up UTA’s Sue Naegle and HBO Goes After UTA’s Sue Naegle To Hire).

Or this one:

I’m told these are the clients who immediately followed those three UTA talent agents — UTA co-owner Nick Stevens and his partners Sharon Sheinwold and Lisa Hallerman who together left a week ago — to Endeavor. Listed in no particular order: Ben Stiller which I previously reported, Jack Black, Jason Lee, John C. Reilly, Jason Segel, Jonah Hill, Jason Schwartzman, Jonathan Rhys Meyers, Amy Poehler, Fred Armisen, Amy Heckerling, Rob Letterman, David Wayne, Frank Coraci, Tom Dey. Even though Endeavor won’t confirm this list, it’s firm.

(emphasis mine)

Who the hell reports on their own reporting?  See in regular newspapers, people report the news and don’t report the veracity of their news because newspapers are held to standards and stuff.  But not Nikki.  Nikki has to prove her worth because tomorrow she has to present her diorama about the underground railroad and she’s really worried that the paper mache slave owner won’t dry in time and she’s got to get her mom to stop at the art store near their house in Encino but her mom probably won’t cause she has been such a witch with a b ever since she started working again and hey, wait was that an email from Endeavor?

I truly encourage you to visit her site and imagine her as chubby Abigail Breslin.  It makes all the difference in the world.

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