Awesome Letter From A Complete Cheating Stranger

23 Apr

So, Ben gets a lot of random email — the last name Meyer being pretty common with the first initial B.  Usually its random family reunions or lame Christmas cards.  Sometimes they are funny and sometimes he messes with them when he emails back — pretending to be offended by conservative jokes or something like that.  But today’s email — here in its partially redacted glory — is the best one so far.  To B.  From J.

——– Original Message ——–
Subject:     NONE
Date:     Wed, 23 Apr 2008 07:48:04 -0700 (PDT)
From:     J
To:     Bmeyer@gmail.com

WOW, Let me start by saying that I have no idea what was going on with me those couple of weeks we were talking. I have to give it to you though, your good, you really had me going. I think I was just caught up in the moment which in turn caused me to feel and say a lot of things that were based on a fantasy and lust. Once the reality and guilt set in (and seeing you with K) I came to realize how much I truly love T. We have been through so much together and I am embarrassed that I was about to throw it all away for such selfish reasons. The main reason I felt the need to send you this e-mail is because I have found myself freaking out about the thought of T finding out about what went on between the two of us. I pray that you take this to the grave with you because it would completely devastate him. I would love it if the whole thing could just be forgotten and everything go back to the way it was. I am upset because I feel like we have become such good friends and I just hope that we didn’t ruin that.

B, I think you are a wonderful man and have so much to offer the right woman. I do want to tell you that I absolutely think that you and I could have been so happy together in another lifetime. I think we both know that you and I together would be so hard and probably never work due to circumstances. I really need to know that you don’t think bad of me and that you understand that I turned to you because I am very confused about my life right now. I also need you to know that I really do love T with all my heart. I want nothing more than for us to work through our differences and live happily ever after. I don’t think things are so far gone that we can’t have that, and I intend to be the wife that he deserves from now on.

P.S. What I wish for you is the most wonderful woman, one that deserves you because you are a prize. I hope you have the chance to know what it is like to be with someone who is truly your best friend in every way because that is the most special thing this life has to offer. I really mean that.

Love J.

And following is Ben’s letter perfect response:

——– Original Message ——–
Subject:     Re: NONE
Date:     Wed, 23 Apr 2008 13:28:33 -0700
From:     Benjamin Meyer <bmeyer@gmail.com>
To:    J.

Hi, J

I’ve been trying to decide how to reply to this all day.  I admit, I considered blackmail.  But, after some quick internet research, I have determined that you are not worth all that much money.

I did forward your email to a few of the television comedy writers I know, here in Hollywood.  I can’t promise that your email won’t show up on the screen, in some form.  I am sure that nobody will use your real full name.

When you are discussing your torrid affairs over the internet, you should always, always, always make sure you have the right email address.

I hope your marriage survives your infidelity and your lack of wise emailing.

All the best,

Ben Meyer

2 Responses to “Awesome Letter From A Complete Cheating Stranger”

  1. krass April 29, 2008 at 5:54 am #

    this made my day. i’m glad you married him.

  2. Jenny May 6, 2008 at 10:19 pm #

    Stunning. Of course, in the TV movie T. and K. simply must ride off into the sunset together.

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